when one door closes....

why is it that so many analogies involve doors?  is it because we walk in and out of them all of the time?  is it because "doors" are easy concepts for anyone to visualize?  honestly, i don't know.

what i WILL tell you is that i opened and closed a heavy door today.  i felt the weight of opening in years ago and felt the weight of closing it hours ago.

i had to make my decision regarding teaching this week.  i always thought i would teach and be a mommy.  even before minnie and tully were conceived, i always thought i would tag-team those 2 roles.  i saw other mommies do it so why would i choose differently?

i think mommies that work are great.  i think mommies that don't work are great. i have honestly never thought strongly either way.  if you want to and need to work, wonderful.  if you do not want to and don't, that's wonderful as well.  while many people seem to strongly feel as though women should do one or the other, i really have always felt that each situation is different for each and every mommy.  you have to look at your own family and go the route that works for YOUR OWN FAMILY.  case closed.

today, i ventured up to the school because the deadline in letting my school know if i was coming back in the fall or not was approaching.  in the past week, i have wanted to throw up on and off even thinking about it.  i love my school.  i love my teacher-friends.  i love the month of august more than any other month because back-to-school time is such a neat time of year.

the thought of closing the door to those things has left me tense, achy, nervous, sad, etc.  however, i woke up knowing that i didn't need to wait until the last day to let them know.  timing is everything and that timing, well, was now.

i took the little ones with me for emotional support.  i thought that managing them would keep me from really "feeling" too much and getting too sappy. it worked, thank goodness.  however, seeing everyone love and compliment the babies made me realize, yet again, while cutting the ties with teaching has been such a hard thing to completely decide.

i am going to stay at home with the twins once the fall of 2011 rolls around.  while i am obviously excited to be able to spend that time with minnie and tully, i am also scared to death.  closing the classroom door and teaching made me feel accomplished.  it made me feel as though i was contributing to our family financially.  it made me feel like 20 little ones thought i was a pretty cool lady.  until this point in life, i was a teacher and a wife.  even though "teacher" is being replaced by "mommy", i know that i am going to really miss that role.

teachers cannot be replaced.  they spend more time with children than many parents get to!  the way teachers shape, mold, and care for little learners each day is an amazing thing to get paid for.  yeah, yeah.....teachers are not paid enough.  that has been said countless times.  the reward, though, of knowing that you are like a second mommy to 20 kids each year at a time is pretty amazing.

you get to sing and act like a big kid yourself.  you get to sit at little tables and eat lunch with co-workers and laugh your head off.  you get to even have little kiddos carry your folding chair to the gym for assemblies that get you out of teaching for an hour!  life is just plain fun.

while my teacher-door is closing, the mommy one has flown doggone wide-open.  like the dixie chicks said "wide open spaces...room to make a big mistake...", i am sure i am going to make many of mistakes while attempting to parent these crazy twins of mine.  i have already bonked their heads, dropped them awkwardly onto their bouncy seats, elbowed them while attempting to burp, etc.   it's a miracle minnie and tully have made it to see their 6 month birthday!

despite my awkward, non-coordinated self i do hope that i can take some of the lessons i learned from my wonderful friends that are teachers and apply them with raising minnie and tully.  many of them are wonderful mommies.  i hope they will add me to that club over time...