a "pair of parsleys": childlike faith...

faith is such a tricky thing. you are told to find it when times are hard. you are supposed to cling to it when you are sad. you hear all about it when you feel like you have no where else to go. you are told to have it when you, well....don't.

god tells us to have child-like faith. we are told to not put too much thought into anything or any situation and are to just believe and know that god is with us and never leaves us hanging. we just have to hang around and know he'll pull us on out of whatever sticky situation we are in with his perfect timing. why, then, is faith so hard?

i have been trying to find faith that "all would be okay" over the past week or two. up until then, these twins had been going about their day-to-day living like clockwork. for some reason or another, things have suddenly gotten "rough". once i acknowledged i was having a hard time, i didn't allow things to get better. i have just been focusing on how "hard" things are. i guess i had been spoiled by minnie and tully's predictability from week to week!

while life with twins has made me super-tired both mentally and physically, it has not ever been "bad". not for one single moment. BUT........because i have thought so much about all of the bumps, i have lost out on the pure joy these 2 perfect beings bring to us every single day.

ben pointed out to me tonight that my past few blogs have carried a kind of debbie-downer quality to them. while at first i was a bit upset that he would say such, i looked back and he was exactly right. in my efforts to be honest about life these days, i have been so swept up in the frenzy of life with multiples that i have left out the amazing things god has done with these 2 children of his recently.

minnie & tully have brought such an amazing feeling into our lives. it's an unexplainable joy, really. the way they make our home feel is beyond warm. the laughter they cause us to erupt in is more genuine than any laugh i have ever experienced. the love that they have caused us to feel for them is immeasurable.

while i know that mommy-life has just begun, i have quickly learned it is so hard. not only is it hard, but it is increasingly difficult to focus on the positives each and every day over all of the other things that simply do not come off picture-perfectly. while i would like every minute of everyday wrapped up like a perfect gift with a perfect bow, it's just not going to happen. now....what to do with that?

i must have faith that god gave me these blessings for a reason. like minnie and tully trust me, i must trust god and have faith that he will continually bless ben and me through our precious babies. we just have to stick with him and believe.