let's put it all on the line...

so....i have had a rough week.  this is to put it mildly.  between taking the babies to the pediatrician for high temps (which i'll actually speak more of in a moment) to getting a nice virus myself for 24 hours, the past 4-5 days have really shaken me to the core.  i have hit the wall, as they say, and for some reason cannot knock it down and get through to the other side.

last week, the babies had run 100/101 point something degree temps for a solid week.  some would tell me they were teething.  some would tell me that the twins had picked up a bug and were passing it back and forth.  some told me to take the babies into the clinic.  some told me to not dare darken the doors of a doctor's office filled with winter germs unless completely needed.

after a week of the low grade temperature debacle, mommy maggie decided it was time to load up the babes and take them in.  our fantabulous pediatrician checked every nook and cranny out on minnie & tully.  the verdict, you ask?  completely.....and i mean completely.....100% okay (minus the earwax build-up in minnie's poor ear because mommy's evidently a bad bather).

i was so perplexed.  i had taken the babies temps literally 2 hours before going and both were in the upper 101-range.  hmmmmmm.  let's just say that benjamin brought home the directions for the thermometer printed off from the internet yesterday.  to our dismay, we had been taking it.....WRONG.
we had not clicked the mode button; therefore, it was reading the poor bambinos temps as oral and we were putting the thermometer in their rumps!  yes, the gluteus maximus is mucho more sensitive and we simply didn't read the directions BEFORE use like the boldly printed directions said.  heavens, these babies had been violated over and over because mommy didn't follow directions.  nice.

on top of the baby temp drama, "momma" came down with a monster late saturday.  yes, a monster.  it was ugly.  it was mean.  thank the good lordy above, that monster is gone.  thankfully, it was a 24-bug and not a 9-month bug.  i was almost excited i got so sick so fast because for an hour or so i convinced myself i had gotten preggo and was having a version of morning sickness.  ya'll, i was about to check into a loony bin until i realized that i was just going to have to ride out a monster instead!

between the babies first "illness" (haha) and my actual one, i am running on empty.  i have cried.  i have crawled into bed out of exhaustion at crazy hours.  i have eaten every meal off a napkin or of a coffee table's surface and have not used a utensil and eaten an actual meal in i don't know how long.  life has just looked so not-pretty and it has gotten me down a bit.

being a mommy is so hard. all of you mommies know this.  i know you do.  i just wanted you to know that no one told me i would throw up, nurse, cry, and pick up 2 babies....all at one time and that it would be THIS hard.  nor did anyone tell me my skin pigmentation would reach a new level of white.  seriously, i think i am now a light shade of purple.  bring....on...the....sun.

**my apologies to the reader that was offended by this original post.  i don't always write the "right" thing.  i truly just write...and i sign my name because i am not afraid to be honest with the ups and downs of attempting to be a good mommy.