why...

minnie and tully are coming into their own these days.  they would rather play with the elder kiddos in a group than think of themselves as the "babies".  they would rather sit up in a "mommy/daddy chair" as opposed to being strapped into a highchair.  they would rather hold a big ole honkin' piece of pizza instead of having it could up into a bazillion tiny, baby pieces.  they simply are "big" little people, i guess.  i won't allow myself to fully call them anything but my babies, though.

in spite of their growing curiosity, they are not QUITE to the point of quesitoning.  you know, the "when.....why....how...etc" stage.  i cannot imagine what it will be like when their mouths echo their minds and they began asking me to explain the peculiarities of the the world and wait for an explanation that is "good" enough.

i have thought about this stage that is to come quite a bit over the few weeks.  for some reason, the latter part of this fall was a season of living for the twins but it was a hard month mentally for me.  sad news stories, heartbreaking comings and goings of reality, and other facts of life have just left me more confused and distraught than i have ever felt.

i guess i have always been a softy with easily-hurt feelings all along my little journey of life, but mommyhood has launched that trait into orbit big time.  the instances that have surfaced lately have left me heartbroken at times.  i have struggled with WHY so many things seemed to be happening all around me.  while i am thankful for this peaceful portion of minnie and tully's timeline, my heart has been restless for those who are not experiencing calm.

what in the world am i going to tell minnie and tully when they ask me to explain the unexplainable?  how will i break the news of reality with a grace that god will be proud of?  how do i aptly tell them that it is ok to not always understand BUT in turn, remain faithful and perservere?

i ask these questions because i am open to answers.  i truly don't know.

as a mommy, it is so hard to know what is "right".  from the moment our crazy little ones are born, we analyze and over analyze every aspect of their life......are they sleeping enough, are they sick, did they go to the bathroom, how long should i keep them awake, how long should i let them sleep, are they hot, are they cold, are they happy, should i take them here, should i keep them home, etc......i mean, let's be honest our own mental momma questions should make THEIR questions like a walk in the park on down the road!!!!  they couldn't possibly make us as crazy as we make ourselves!

for now, i am glad my little ones are not asking me tough questions.  stressing between dora gummies and veggie tale snack packs is enough.  however, i have to know that just like me minnie and tully will wonder why hard, trying things happen to god's most perfect people.  i pray that god is with me when those questions come JUST like he is with those that are hurting and/or struggling.

god is close to the brokenhearted and saves those that are crushed in his spirit.  thank the lord, he is....thank the lord...