don't do it...

i had to look back to see when i made my last entry.  wow....so, it's been awhile.  i wish i had some extravagant reasoning behind my blogger departure.  not that anyone is shedding tears over my absence, but i almost feel like i need a black and white reason as to why i left the land of blog.

it is safe to say that life has just been chugging along.  some days fast, others slow.  it just depends upon the day in regards to how fast or slow time is traveling.

though the twins are not conquering any huge milestones such as potty training or sleeping in big people beds, they are growing up so quickly.  i hate to say they are growing "like weeds" because weeds are gross.  who wants their child to be referred to as an an annoying, green, spindling thing?

i digress.  i am meandering and getting off topic.  i have forgotten how to write, make fluid thoughts and conversation, how to express myself from one point to the next, etc....which is precisely the point of today's rambling.

i was watching the view one day amidst laundry piles and bouts with the iron.  i caught a conversation julie bowen from Modern Family was having with the ladies. i normally am a bit put off by all of the strong opinions on that show and the means each lady goes to in order to upstage her counterpart; however, the convo i heard was sheer brilliance.

julie bowen has 3 boys, 1 elder and twins to follow.  she was reminiscing about when she and her husband found out she was pregnant with twins.  she said that instead of a huge congrats from her doctor, he pretty much stopped her mid-sentence and said some of the most valuable words i have ever heard.

like her character on the show, bowen said said she goes 90 to nothing and that little shakes her.  however, the words that were uttered from her doctor caused her to stop dead in her tracks....

"whatever you do, do NOT give these twins 100%.  if you give your twins everything, you will have nothing.  you will either die young or hurt one of them because you are not of sound mind and body.  if you give your children 100%, you will not have a smidgen of energy to take care of yourself....you all will suffer"

when i first heard this bit of advice, i thought how "wrong" it was for her doctor to say such nonsense.  i thought that every mother SHOULD give 100%.  every mom should give up her own life the day she becomes a mother (biologically, through adoption, through any means whatsoever).

i then began gnawing on this knowledge & have done so at least once or twice each day ever since.

no trophy is given for the mother that doesn't shower.  no award is given for the mother that lets her health fall by the wayside in efforts to focus on her child.  no crown of glory is given to the mother parked first in the pick up line. no scepter is handed to the mother who stocks her child's closet with the best clothes.  no certificate is handed to the mom with the smallest amount of "me" time.  no mother deserves an award over ANY other mother.  so, um, what in the world am i doing....

i know i feel good when my kids do.  meeting their needs, making them smile, helping them conquer an item on their kiddie bucket list are all mommy chores that make my day complete.  it truly doesn't get any better that helping your little ones become solid little godly beings.

the problem, though, is that if we pour ourselves into them 100 percent of the time we are left with empty pitcher lives.  no passion is left for our hubbies.  no self-worth is left for us.  no fun is left for A NIGHT with dear girlfriends.  if we give it all we are left with nada.  the most important aspect of the advice she spoke of was that everyone suffers.....even the kids we are depleting ourselves for.

let me come full-circle.....i truly believe we should give 99%.  i believe that to be a mommy is such an immeasurable gift that we should honor it by fulfilling the definition of mommy to our greatest ability.  i also believe that we should hold tight to that remaining 1% and honor to keep it.....and never ever let it go.

i guess that i just know that instead of never having time to squeeze in a long shower, wash gross make up off my face, get to the dentist, color brown roots, schedule a much-needed date with my children's daddy, etc.....i have got to bring my well-being back to the surface.  it's a hard job, but mommy is used to just that:)