church and our children...

going to church has always been a part of mine and ben's relationship.  throughout the period of time when i couldn't get pregnant, sunday morning worship became an even more heartfelt experience.  it was such a relief when sundays would arrive.  though i was often emotional, i felt like it was the one hour during the week i could actually breathe.

i would pray to god that one day, he would make me a mommy.  sometimes i believed what i was offering up to god would come true; however, sometimes i thought my requests would receive an empty answer.  i would promise that if the good lord above gave us a child, i would forever be thankful and that appreciation would be represented by "never missing church" and ya-da-ya-da-ya-da.

i will be honest...we have not been the best, most diligent service-goers since the twins arrived.  naptime, illness, mommy exhaustion, etc are all reasons behind the parsley family's absence.  while i know god doesn't keep a record of rights & wrongs, i carry guilt when we don't get to the place where god answered my prayers with an emphatic "yes" to making me a mommy.

this brings me to today.  we toted the twins into church this morning thinking that if we made it even halfway through the service, we could put a check in the box beside did you make it to church today?
little did i know what a wonderful experience today's service would be.

within 5 minutes of being at church, i felt home.  there was that peace, that innermost peace that only one can reach within the lord's presence.  maybe it was the music? maybe it was the closeness i have with the people around us?  maybe it was the feeling of opening my eyes after the pastor's prayer and catching a glimpse of my son or daughter?

from the singing to the praying to the sermon, i felt myself "breathing" again.  i don't remember the exact lyrics of each song.  i don't even remember the verses from today's sermon.  i just know that god gave me a warm welcome back after a few sundays away from his house.  it has welcomed ben and i throughout our relationship, and now it is welcoming my precious babies.