church is a new endeavor with kiddos. it JUST is. regardless of if your little bits are nursery bound or if you have a bag of tricks like i do to whip out in efforts to keep them with you during service, church is a whole new ball game once babies are thrown into the mix.
though the babies were sanctuary-ready last week, smocked clothes and all, it wasn't our most successful sunday in the long run. we made it through the opening songs. we made it through the offering. however, by the time minnie knew the sermon was coming she was ready to boogie on out of there. tully would have taken ahold of his paci and been in his happy place 5 minutes later on a shoulder. minnie, however, i a nosey nellie and just can't give up the ghost. so.....30 minutes into getting our jesus, we found ourselves exiting the doors we recently were welcomed through.
even though we are taking the twins with us into our service for the time being, i refuse to be "that momma" with the child flailing about making a commotion in what is supposed to be a holy place. i can't expect 10 month olds to act picture-perfect. that i know. i am literally sweating, though, in efforts to make them hush so that mommy, daddy, and the rest of the congregation can get some god for the week! puffs, water, and non-electronic toys are pulled out like a magician pulling a rabbit from his top hat!
so...this brings me to today. i decided that momma was off duty and needed a service to herself. instead of a spa day or a mani/pedi venture, i just wanted to go to church and actually be a focused christian lady for an hour. i never realized, though, how awkward i would feel.
i have always said that church can make you feel so loved, so warm and encouraged OR it can make you feel the complete opposite. when ben and i were struggling to get pregnant, it was the only time during my whole week i felt light on my feet and peaceful. i swear, church is either your sanctuary during a crabby time in life OR it can feel like an isolated island where you are the only person present.
today was an awkward day. though i had planned on coming home enlightened and full of biblical knowledge to share with ben, i was lost throughout the whole darn service. while i should've focused on a verse from 2 Timothy, i was thinking about what the babies would wear to a ut football game. ya'll....the holiest thing i envisioned was UT actually having a winning season!
while i felt alone and was unable to concentrate during today's service, everything quickly changed during the last few minutes prior to the benediction. a precious, little girl got baptized and the praise and worship band sang a song that had the following lyrics in it...
"hold on to jesus because he is holding onto you..."
in an instant, i didn't feel lonely. as basic as this may sound, i felt so good being reminded jesus IS there. he always is, always will be. in being a mommy...in being a wife...in being a woman in the daily lives we all lead.....you forget that basic principle. while i had gone into the service as a "party of 1", i was quickly reminded that we do absolutely nothing alone.
it is so easy to get swept up in the mommy stuff. in the hustle and bustle of bottles, food, diapers, and all of the other "stuff", i know i feel like i am doing it all "by myself". with god as our savior, our redeemer, and our friend, it is such a relief to be reminded that in all we do, he is doing it right along with us...we are always, at least, a party of 2....and that is a very reassuring feeling wherever you are.
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