one year later...

honestly, i feel like i should be getting ready for halloween instead of christmas.
somehow i'm off by a couple of months!  where, oh where, has the time gone?

i swear, i don't know what's in style, who's dating who, etc.....i am t-totally behind on my usweekly and people gossip to say the least.  i remember literally running to barnes and nobles on friday to pick up the latest issues of all of those fabulous magazines displaying the lives of the rich and famous before these babies were here. now......i can't even make it there to grab a coffee!

since september 1st came, a new world was carved out just for our family.  though that is a wonderful thing, it also makes you oblivious to the actual world everyone else is eating, sleeping and breathing in day by day.  i'm starting to try to venture back in...and honestly, it feels good.  pretty scary, but good.

while trying to get back into the swing of life with 3 month old twins, it has really taken me back to how life was this time last year.  since minnie & tully were born, i have almost been able to forget the pain ben & i felt for the 18 months or so it took for us to finally get pregnant.  i haven't had the time to remember the sadness, the emptiness, and all of the other "blah" emotions we felt.  while holidays ARE full of happiness, they can also be the saddest periods in your life.

last christmas, i was buying gifts for everyone else's kiddos.  while i loved playing santa, i wanted to be able to be mrs. claus to MY OWN baby, too.  i remember looking around at cousins on christmas eve ripping through wrapping paper and tearing up delicately-made bows thinking "i want one of them to be mine"....but they were everyone else's precious boys and girls BUT mine.  i can literally remember ben and i sitting off to the side just, well, watching.  neither of us said a thing.  we didn't have to.

i went to sleep christmas eve feeling so down.  we didn't even go to the midnight christmas service because i knew i'd cry if i went.  church can be so uplifting but so very sad at the same time.  i just had lost the desire to go to the most meaningful service of the year.  i never doubted there was a god.  i never questioned my christianity or my beliefs.  i just felt so empty that i couldn't grasp god was actually there for me.

ben and i had gone through 5 failed attempts with clomid by december 2009.  we had gone through failed attempts with ovulation shots.  i was getting the mindset of beginning an IVF cycle in the summer of 2010 because i knew my upcoming IUI and injectables procedures were likely to be unsuccessful as well.

what a difference a night's sleep makes!  i woke up christmas morning and had started the 1st day of my "cycle". i was on the phone with nashville fertility moments later.  from that point on, things obviously feel into place for us.

1. i started my shots on the 27th of december.  
2. i got my first post-shot ultrasound on new year's eve (the 31st).
3. i went on january 2nd, 4th, and 6th for ultrasounds and bloodwork.
4. i then went on january 7th and minnie and tully's little lives began.
5. i took a pregnancy test on the 19th of january and oh happy day!!!!

life for the parsley family took on a whole new meaning as 2010 began.  as 2010 is ending, i couldn't be more thankful for how i feel THIS christmas as opposed to LAST christmas.

i say this all because everyone has good holidays and flat-out awful holidays.  they can be filled with joy and such happiness or such sadness every part of your body hurts.  just know god is there.  he is listening.  he is loving.  he is sitting right beside you ready and willing to comfort.  just know he's there.  last year, i was not quite sure.  this year, i know he is and know i never ever should have doubted if he had ever left.